May 15, 2004
Eurosong one-line opinions
Here we go for our yearly dose of camp. Warning: I'm not even trying to be nice here. It's Eurosong after all.
- Spain: another boring Latin song, not even poppy. Yawn.
- Austria: none of the three singers is able to sing in tune.
- Norway: bombastic powerslow, and his English is funny.
- France: comb your hair, boy, and what's that white women-object doing on stage? The song ain't that bad - according Eurosong norms of course.
- Serbia & Montenegro: a stylish but bloodless attempt to mimic Belgian's 2nd place of last year: Urban Trad.
- Malta: with a booty like that, she should stop wiggling. A very awkwardly feeling popduet (oh - not in tune as well). First song we actually started giggling - naaah, make that: laughing.
- Netherlands: a very bad version of an already trashy song "More than words" from Extreme.
- Germany: yes, he's ugly. And the song is boring, too. Not too bad for a soul song however, but definitely not Eurosong. And he shouldn't attempt high notes as well, as he's almost dying while trying.
- Albania: fat arms! I'm missing volume - and she's pulling notes through all sorts of bends. Sing through the mike please!
- Ukraine: I was expecting more actually. Messy. And I hate the shouting. Still, people will love it.
- Croatia: hey, the German is back? This, my dear friends, is a very boring song. And singing in tune is becoming a scarce commodity in the new EU.
- Bosnia & Herzegovina: singing becomes murmuring. Oh no, if he sings it becomes worse. This is really very bad, and his pink dancers won't help. Bring this man to a decent end please.
- Belgium: this was her worst vocal performance so far, alas. But still it's a hell of a song.
- Russia: a circus act won't help a badly sang song.
- FYR Macedonia: why am I thinking of Harry Potter? Still, besides a lot of repetitive parts, it's a halfway decent song. The guy knows how to sing. Messy arrangements though.
- Greece: a typical Eurosong top 10 finalist. Sergio did that podium trick two years ago. Why do I forget about all these songs the moment they are finished?
- Iceland: tune! Tune! And very boring as well. A tearjerker that keeps your eyes dry. Hurt! Pain!
- Ireland: this is the silky smooth remake of the Iceland failure. Same tears, but now artificial. Balls! I need balls!
- Poland: A reggae version of Russian Housewives looking for European Husbands.
- United Kingdom: a bloodless Johnny Logan. Not a bad voice, but there must be a milkyway full of ballads like this.
- Cyprus: not a big podium act - she's afraid to sing out of tune if she moves. Has a voice though, and a good one. Whitney Houston-style ballad. And fat as well: I see a trend appearing.
- Turkey: ska! It feels somehow fake to see a Turk with a Johnny Rotten-style pair of pants, but this was one of the better performances so far. There must be a penalty for standing upright, though.
- Romania: let's face it: she would be better off wearing nothing. And we as well. She's a blond come-and-get-me. In terms of build-up, the song is conventional, but quite professional.
- Sweden: she owns the camera. Boring song. She reminds me of a trashy version of Julia Roberts. She really needs it, but I have a headache tonight.
Voting starts now. My candidates: Ukraine, hopefully Belgium, Greece, Cyprus, Sweden. Romania gets extra points for being extra campy. Wow, that lady needed a fix.
Oh BTW: the televoting was flawed - I submitted two SMS votes within the first 5 minutes of the voting window, and both of them bounced after 15 minutes telling me I hadn't voted during the voting window. Hurray for Proximus!